This is letting go.
Sometimes the hardest thing to learn in life is to let go of what is not meant to be. I am learning that through this life, I imagine what things should be like and how they should go. I imagine a world with different colors and actors playing the roles. I guess it might just be my junkie mind playing tricks on me.
You imagine people always spending their life with you and being part of your world because at one point in time you both agreed that is how life would be. Things change though and so do people. They learn the inner demons and sometimes the inner child. This process of growth brings love sometimes, other times, pain.
You sometime make frivolous mistakes that if handled in a timely manner can avoid disaster.
Unfortunately, many of us will choose to run from confrontation in hopes that somehow it will sort itself out all on its own. This rarely happens and is why I find directly approaching situations to be far more affective. Fortunately, I was given the benefit of the program and steps along the way that preach to make amends swiftly and move past the situation in hopes for a better tomorrow and less pain for all. This is not true for all people and this leads to miscommunication and disaster.
Some days, I believe this was the ultimate downfall of many of my personal relationships, which breed with arrogance and the belief that I was always right. Once, again, the junkies mind.
So, tonight I sit at the end of this pier, wind blowing across my face, stars illuminating this screen and my fingers as they dance across the keys in some dysfunctional ballet of the broken hearts. I find that the ocean water not only does miracles for the physical wounds but also for the mental ones. The air attempts to cleanse the soul and set you free. In some ways I believe that staring into the ocean and absorbing its awesome power with remind you how inferior you are and how small your problems are in the world.
Today, I am learning who I am, learning to let go of those that do not come to me naturally and making plans for building a better, happier me.
Tonight I will sleep on this pier and wake-up with the water rearranging my diseased building blocks looking for the cure to make all things right inside again. This is the forgiveness of my past and the creation of my future. It is found here in my center.
